One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
