Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
