So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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