there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
