After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
