she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
