The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I forget how to act sober
Randomize