I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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