I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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