just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
