because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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