I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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