i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
