Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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