12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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