Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
