i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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