hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
