Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
