dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
