i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
