i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
