She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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