Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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