girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
