is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
