Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
