I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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