Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
