I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
nutella sex= disaster
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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