my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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