I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
