It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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