I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
