I hate all girls vehemently.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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