everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
