FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
