Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
