When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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