Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
