I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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