The maid of honor just puked.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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