my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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