Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
two words...techno handjob
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
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