pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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