sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you traded sex for a burrito?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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