I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
