Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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