He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
