i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
